Recently, I had a family member pass away suddenly. He was very young, and it was unexpected.
We were not close. Time, geography, and who we were 30 to 35 years ago placed us on different life paths. (Me, a total clown back then! No wonder we gapped apart.)
Over the years, we stayed loosely connected over Facebook. Occasionally, one of us would comment on a post the other had put up—usually, a comment on family photos or significant events.
Positive stuff. Arm's length stuff. Bubble gum and cotton candy.
As I have watched the community he lived in react to the news of his passing over the last few days, it is glaringly apparent that my relative fully lived what author David Brooks in his book "The Road to Character," called Eulogy Virtues.
As Brooks (paraphrasing) defines, Eulogy Virtues are those virtues or values that extend beyond the Resume Virtues. Eulogy virtues like kindness, honesty, loyalty, bravery, and compassion stand out from the Resume Virtues of wealth, title, fame, or status.
My family member also had some level of success in the Resume Virtue bucket. Still, the comments from hundreds on his Facebook feed signal that he lived the Eulogy Virtues that enabled, enhanced, or unlocked his Resume Virtues.
Eulogy Virtues don’t get our attention.
In today's loud, over the top, scramble for personal branding and positively curated social network lives, I think we often overlook those around us on the Eulogy Virtue track in search of someone who can help us get to the next job role, the next closed sale, or the next material purchase of this or that.
Meanwhile, the best humans keep doing what they do, often behind the scenes. Understated.
After reading all of the ways he showed up for others, it has me kicking myself for not being closer to a person who seemed to be a lot of good, doing a lot of good and doing it with and for good people.
It made me wonder who else I am missing out on in my extended network.
As I move forward, I hope to pay better attention to my circle and do a better job reaching out to those high on the Eulogy Virtue scale.
Stay Steadfast, Friends!
Spot on brother!